...(cue the Jaws music) Just when you thought it was
safe to go back into your in-box...there's another rambling misf report
lurking amongst the spam. Yes, back again, after a two-month lay-off
which has seen me travel the length and breadth of this bizarre country,
kicking up a storm on the Revolution magazine tour. Nine thousand
miles, 37 days, 30 cities, 20 gigs, a $600,000 tour bus with 12 sleeping
berths, far too much booze, far too little sleep, and a handful of
memories burnt indelibly into my tiny brain. I've spent the best part
of a month getting over it (and writing up the feature), hence the
radio silence. But rather than just repeat what I've written in my
article, I'm just going to mail that out in a bit...
...Aside from the road trip, what else has been going on? Oh yes,
we had an earthquake here last night. First one for me and very exciting
it was too! It was actually centred in Napa Valley, the main wine-growing
region 50 miles north of SF but we felt it here too. The main shock
was 5.2 on the Richter scale so they estimate that SF took around
a 4.5 hit. I was sat at my desk around 1.30am, doodling around on
the internet, when I heard this strange creaking noise. At first I
thought it was either my housemate shagging in the room next door
or the old hippy couple upstairs cranking up a Jefferson Airplane
CD. But then it started rumbling louder and walls started shuddering.
I rushed out into the corridor where in fact all my housemates were
(we're all night owls in this house) and they confirmed that it was
a 'quake. But then it stopped. I looked out of the main window onto
Haight Street. No car alarms going off, no dogs barking, no fire engines,
no unbridled chaos on the streets. Bit of a disappointment really...
...There's a big summer festival that happens on some salt flats in
the Nevada desert every year called Burning Man (http://www.burningman.com). It's a bit like Glastonbury
(hippy ideals and all that bollocks) but a bit more technology-orientated,
much better weather (120 in the shade) and cooler music (ie no David
f@cking Bowie). Most people walk around in face-paint and totally
butt-naked, dancing to ritualistic techno music all day and night.
On the last night a huge wicker man is set alight and people dance
around some more in the buff...
...There are a couple of amusing events that happen at Burning Man.
There's the InsemiNation Fallopian Fun Run, a big game of "tag"
where a bunch of people wearing light-up sperm hats will chase one
lucky contestant wearing a large, lit-up pink egg costume across the
desert. From a distance at night this will look like a "wad"
of sperm struggling to be the first to inseminate the egg, traveling
around and through the body of the Man. And there's also the Paint
Wrestling Federation Championships. You can come come create painted
masterpieces on canvas while pile-driving, clothes-lining and slamming
your opponent into submission! The winner gets to keep their painting.
Only in America I suppose...
...I was also amused to hear that they may be trying to bring back
that infamous wooden soap Crossroads to British TV screens. To bring
those of you too young/too American up to speed, Crossroads was an
awful British tea-time soap about all the exciting goings on in a
Midlands' motel. In its heyday critics would love to poke fun at its
low-cost production (especially the wobbly sets), melodramatic storylines
and terrible acting. Characters were also said to vanish without trace
and no-one would notice. For example, in 1967, the coffee bar manager
went to get some sugar - and was never seen again. Another character,
a retarded bloke called Benny, once popped out to get a spanner -
and only returned one year later. The plug was pulled on the show
in 1988 and "celebrities" who appeared in the series over
the years included Bob Monkhouse, Ken Dodd, Larry Grayson and Max
Wall...
...Finally, I have two reasons two celebrate (well, three if you count
surviving the earthquake). First, it's the start of yet another NFL
season. Yes, gridiron is back and I'm as happy as a pig in sh*t. You
can get the Oakland Raiders at 25-1 for January's Superbowl and the
Miami Dolphins - even without the legendary Dan Marino - are at 40-1.
Get those odds while it's still early on. Secondly, I'm visiting British
shores at the start of October for a couple of weeks. So pencil in
Sat 7th Oct for a knees-up in London, at a boozer TBC...
...I'll leave you with a couple of tour images. Full tour story and
more pics to follow later...
Namaste,
Kieran
He was born with a gift of laughter
and a sense that the world was mad.
Rafael Sabatini
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